Designated Texter

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To be perfectly honest, it never ever occurred to me to text while driving until it was banned in Maryland. I remember the conversation at lunch in high school. “You see they made it illegal to text and drive in Maryland?” “Well, duh,” I said. “Who would ever text and drive?” I got the blank stares. I’ve never understood this. It seems unfathomably dangerous. I put it in a category of reading a book and driving. I won’t lie and say I’ve never done it, but whenever I have I could literally see my car being hit (from the driver’s side, of course, as it happens in all movies). Don’t do it. And don’t say you’re just as good of a driver while texting, because you really, really aren’t. I’ve ridden shotgun to many a text-n-driver and, take it from me, you suck. You sit at lights too long, stop short, drift in lanes, and just generally freak me the fuck out. It’s especially infuriating because I’M SITTING RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU. Hand me the goddamn phone if your text is that urgent. I promise you my spelling and grammar is adequate enough for a text. It’s that simple.

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