I AM A WOMAN OF FIRM BELIEFS. UNWAVERING, BOLD BELIEFS. MY BELIEFS ARE SO STRONG THAT THEY MUST BE WRITTEN IN CAPS LOC-okay wait, I’m sorry, that’s really annoying. I sincerely apologize. I started writing and then I didn’t realize- I didn’t know how annoying that would be.



  1. Jeff Dunham is the anti-funny. He fell from funny with the mission to remove all funny from the Earth.

  2. All legs look good in heels.

  3. Human interest stories are not and will never be “news” and as such do not belong in a “news” program. They can have their own program. A program preferably on Sunday mornings. Only.

  4. The first 3 seasons of Lost are the best first-viewing of any show ever, ever. [EDIT: 2½ seasons.]

  5. Up! wasn’t a good movie. People said it was ’cause it’s Pixar and the first 5 minutes led you to believe it would be good, but, in all honesty, it was a notch below Cars. Euwgh.

  6. While we’re at it, Napolean Dynamite wasn’t good either.

  7. If you didn’t make it to any “Harry Potter Midnight Book Release” parties, you’re not livin’, man.

  8. Only hipsters and rich people wear watches.

  9. If you don’t make your WordPress template your own in some way (change the header, background, widgets, etc.), you are lazy. It’s very easy.

  10. If you use the “Koi” template and change nothing, you want people to think you’re unique. But you’re not. You’re a sheep. Nothing wrong with being a sheep. But you’re also very, very lazy.

  11. The phrase “Send me a pic of you” is the most classless thing you can text.

  12. The economy will work again when we stop caring about it and spend beyond our means again.

  13. You can be an alcoholic in college.

  14. Elizabeth Banks is a jerk.

  15. The education system in this country is not set up to teach young minds and hone skills. It is set up to get kids passing tests. Also, curriculum standardization is the worst solution to a problem I’ve ever seen.

  16. Its 2012. There’s no reason Smart House isn’t a real thing by now. And you know they can do it. Apple’s just waiting to incorporate some of that technology into iPad 14.

  17. Vodka is the most pointless spirit. It has no unique qualities. Making a drink with vodka alone is like seasoning with just salt.

  18. Face tattoos speak to me. They say “I’m attached to a craaaazzzyyy person!”

  19. The sort of people that still buy Blackberry phones are, I assume, the sort that remain in places like Detroit, MI or Centralia, PA by choice. [EDIT: Yeah, I did that shit. I equated Detroit, MI with Centralia, PA. What? Deal with it.]

  20. If you knew everything there was to know about a person, you would have no choice but to love them.


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