I’ve been having a problem lately. Well, not lately…chronically. You see, I’m in school. Howard University to be exact. Undergrad to be more exact. Sophomore to be even more exact. And I’m 22 to be a sad, useless waste of student loan money.
The story of how I got here is long and boring. But I’m here, five years after high school, and it isn’t getting easier. I feel like a dissatisfied worker, and we all know from Econ I, dissatisfied workers either get promoted or quit. The school has been great in aiding me with accommodations for my depression and anxiety, but the situation seems insurmountable.
The way I see it, so many people would love to be at my school, in my field, and so many people are doing it and doing it well WITHOUT any accommodations. Why can’t I do this with help? I feel so weak…
I had a conversation with another student tonight who did his best to convince not to see the help I’m receiving as unfair or a sign of weakness, but as an opportunity. Everyone in school is taking advantage of any and all opportunities to get their degrees and get the hell out. That’s how I should look at it. That’s how I’m trying to look at it. Everything just feels so difficult. I don’t even know how to describe it. Just living is mentally exhausting.
Well, I took half a sleeping pill a half hour ago and I’m starting to feel it. Hopefully I’ll get to sleep before 5am tonight and get to school tomorrow? And sort out my stagnant life?