I’m Still Here

There are people I know, or at least have known and now hear of, that are, in my opinions, running their lives into the ground. The decisions that they are making boggle my, admittedly malfunctioning mind.

People are having babies. Babies! I can’t imagine having a baby! How can you make a person when you aren’t even really the person you are going to be?

People are getting deeper and deeper into drugs and alcohol. I know this contradicts what I insinuates not two sentences ago, but you aren’t that young and alcoholism does not have a minimum age limit.

People seem to be destroying their lives. This is my first thought. My second thought is, well damn, at least they have lives to destroy. Just the act of “destruction” earns them more respect than I afford myself right now.

I don’t want kids at this or any age. I hope to never become dependent on any chemical. But I am jealous of people who are doing this in the sense that they are doing something.

My wheels have been spinning since I graduated from high school. I make baby steps, but are they forward? Are they backward? They feel like more of a sort of side shuffle. My life is a sad little two-step.

So, people all: I am judging you, make no mistake about that. But take pride in that. You are doing something worthy of notice, if not of envy. In fact I envy your actions’ notice. I really am, then, just a hater. I really am just jealous. You are doing something and you are doing it on your own terms. So raise your babies. Deal with your addictions. Keep pouring money into that business. And when you have a minute, come down to my level and teach me how to live on my own terms. Don’t worry about bothering me.

I won’t be doing anything.


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