I Grieve For Us

I know it was better that we left each other alone.

I know it was good to have some space.

I know we both are growing from this time.

I’m still looking for myself, but with every piece of me I find, I find another empty place. I want to share every new discovery with you, and then I’m reminded that the corner of my life where you stood is now empty. I feel like half of myself. Will I ever feel whole?

The most painful part is to remember that this is how things must be now. We can’t be friends ever again. Too much has happened. Too much would happen. I would never give myself happiness because I would focus all of my attention on your happiness. And you would never be happy because your happiness is in someone else’s arms.

It’s still hard to imagine months without you, let alone years without you. A lifetime without you. You said we would have our day, one day. I confess, it was always easier to believe that was true. That timing was our jester, distance our bully. One day neither would interfere.

As frustrating as it was to live in your limbo, as heartbreaking as it was to watch you breakaway from me, choose others over me, as much as the waiting hurt, I never could have imagined the pain of certainty. Knowing that our one day would never come. I will never have you again. I will never talk to you again. I will never laugh with you. Again.

I’ve lost many friendships, but this is different. I don’t cry for us. I grieve for us. Our friendship is dead. All that I have left are memories and lessons. And faith that the sun will rise again tomorrow.


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